[Reel Infatuation Blogathon] Not Incompetent, Irrelevant, and Immaterial! The Case of the Crush-Worthy DA

My final post for this year’s Reel Infatuation Blogathon!

Font and Frock

Integrity is not considered an aphrodisiac. It is usually given a place-setting at the moral banquet, but rarely makes an appearance during discussions of sex-appeal. 

Rebels dominate this conversation. Six-pack abs and an air of danger are optional; attitude isn’t. But rebels, like all culturally celebrated things, don’t need my words in order to shine. They are ubiquitous in the American pop culture landscape. Finding them attractive and charming is not only acceptable, but, by this point, to be expected. It is, dare I say, the norm.

This brief post is my attempt at adding a faint notch in the other, largely overlooked column.

Here are ten bullet-pointed reasons why I have a crush on Hamilton Burger (William Talman), the beleaguered District Attorney on Perry Mason, who is the embodiment of the phrase I’m just doing my job. And his job–that of putting away criminals–is a worthy one. He’s not a hitman or kitten killer. He…

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[Reel Infatuation Blogathon] Dear Mr. Kolchak

Another piece I did for the Reel Infatuation Blogathon, wherein I sing the praises of Carl Kolchak.

Font and Frock

Dear Mr. Kolchak,

You don’t know who I am, but I’ve been following your career. Not the public side of it, although the articles that make it to print in newspapers across the country are fine. You’re a talented newsman, no matter what you write about. I know that your editor at the INS forces your hand. It’s understandable why he wants to play it safe. I don’t really blame him. Or, at least I wouldn’t if you weren’t so good at the other thing. You’ve really a natural calling, and, well, thank god. Thank god, because there are so few people willing to do what you do, and fewer still who do it as well.

You’re probably wondering how I know about this shadow vocation of yours. I can’t say, of course. I’m confident that you’ll appreciate my need for circumspection. I also hope you will accept my word of honor that I’m not…

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[Reel Infatuation Blogathon] The Irrepressible Archie Goodwin

Nero Wolfe’s New York is my favorite literary city. Like all compelling and believable novelistic depictions of real places, it exists somewhere between fiction and fact, reportage and make-believe. The result? A tumultuous, vibrant, and tactile metropolis, at once fashionable and bleak, awash with the stains and glories of both history and contemporary life.

“The Manhattan garment district has got everything from thirty-story marble palaces to holes in the wall. It is no place to go for a stroll, because you are off the sidewalk most of the time, detouring around trucks that are backed in or headed in, but it’s fine as a training ground for jumping and dodging, and as a refresher for reflexes. If you can come out whole from an hour in those cross streets in the Thirties you’ll be safe anywhere in the world. So I felt I had accomplished something when I walked into the entrance of 340 West 37th Street at ten o’clock Wednesday morning.”The Mother Hunt (1963)

Through this world saunters the irrepressible Archie Goodwin. Nero Wolfe’s second-in-command is always in his element, even when he shouldn’t be. By night and by day, whether flirting with heiresses at penthouse parties or skittering through greasy alleyways in pursuit of murderers or thieves, his composure rarely waivers. He stands his ground through any number of tricky situations, loosening or tightening his morality as needed but never straying too far to either side of the spectrum. Archie’s firmly maintained ambiguity is one of his greatest strengths.

“I always belong wherever I am.”A Right to Die (1964)

In fact, Archie has lots going for him character crush-wise. Here are some of the reasons why he takes the top spot on my Sexiest Men in Literature List.



ARCHIE GOODWIN, DETECTIVE AND RIGHT-HAND-MAN:

  • HE’S SMART. It’s well-known that Nero Wolfe does not get out much. If he deigns to see you, he’ll do so in his brownstone. No matter: even if he traveled to every corner of the city, he’d still be the genius in the room. Most people would quail at the thought of living and working in the shadow of such a formidable intellect. Not Archie. He knows his own value, even if he is outwardly modest as to where it comes from. “I know pretty well what my field is. Aside from my primary function as the thorn in the seat of Wolfe’s chair to keep him from going to sleep and waking up only for meals, I’m chiefly cut out for two things: to jump and grab something before the other guy can get his paws on it, and to collect pieces of the puzzle for Wolfe to work on.”The Red Box (1937) He possesses finely honed street smarts, a deep trench of logic, a keen eye for detail, and an impressive memory. Archie thinks on his feet without letting it show. He knows when to stay put and when to run. He’s a subtle and highly accurate people-reader who understands exactly which information his boss will find relevant. His brand of intelligence is different from Wolfe’s, but just as vital to the continued success of the business. “I’m fairly good with a billiard cue, and only Saul Panzer can beat me at tailing a man or woman in New York, but what I am best at is reporting a complicated event to Nero Wolfe.”In the Best Families (1950)
  • HE’S WITTY. OH. SO. WITTY. Archie Goodwin is the great smartass in fiction. His quick-thinking sarcasm is his overarching character trait, and the one I find the sexiest. Humor is his natural state of being, and I dig it plenty. He turns it on everyone, even himself. “I have never regarded myself as a feast for the eye, my attractions run more to the spiritual, but on the other hand I am not a toad, and I resented her expression.”Bitter End (1940)
  • HE ENJOYS GOOD FOOD. Living at the gourmand Nero Wolfe’s house means having access to Felix Brenner, one of the best chefs in the world. Although this would turn anyone into a hardcore foodie (and Archie is no exception) he is definitely not a snob. He still appreciates convenience food, and his drink of choice is a glass of cold milk. “But it really pains him (Nero Wolfe) if I am out on a prolonged errand at mealtime because I may insult my palate with a drugstore sandwich or, even worse, I may offend my stomach by leaving it empty.”The Final Deduction (1961)
  • HE’S A COMPETENT, ORGANIZED PROFESSIONAL. I love an organized man, and Archie definitely has his act together in the efficiency department. In addition to doing most of the field work for Nero Wolfe, he maintains the business end of things. He types at a high WPM, does all of the bookkeeping, and makes sure his boss’s orchid records are up-to-date. He also manages to live and work with the demanding, high-handed Nero Wolfe without bumping him off. Talk about self-control. “For what you pay me I do your mail, I make myself obnoxious to people, I tail them when necessary, I shoot when I have to and get shot at, I stick around and take every mood you’ve got, I give you and Theodore a hand in the plant room when required, I lie to Inspector Cramer and Sergeant Stebbins whether required or not, I even help Fritz in the kitchen in emergencies, I answer the phone.”Easter Parade (1957)
  • HE’S BRAVE (BUT NOT FEARLESS). Archie isn’t just an office jockey; he’s a working private detective. Every case puts him in danger, whether from suspects, cops, or a shifting combination of both. His cleverness and experience are usually all the ammunition he needs to get out of trouble; when they aren’t, his fists or gun do the trick. He’s bold, yet rarely reckless. “I will ride my luck on occasion, but I like to pick the occasion.”Might as Well Be Dead (1956)
  • HE’S A GIFTED STORYTELLER. Archie types the end-of-case reports for his boss. This is necessary, as he is the only one who knows all aspects of each job. These are detailed and complex, with every conversation relayed verbatim. Like their narrator, they are witty, charming, and entertaining. You could almost say they read like novels. “I was in custody from 3:42 p.m. Sunday, when Inspector Cramer took me down, to 11:58 a.m. Monday, when Nathaniel Parker, the lawyer Wolfe calls on when only the law will do, arrived at the District Attorney’s office with a paper signed by a judge, who had fixed the bail at $20,000. Since the average bail for material witnesses in murder cases in New York is around eight grand, that put me in an upper bracket and I appreciated the compliment.”The Mother Hunt (1963)
  • HE’S FLAWED AND CONTRADICTORY. Archie has a tendency to be cocky and blunt, two things which, admittedly, come in handy in his line of work. He plays a bit fast-and-loose with the facts of his personal background/childhood (although we know that he is from Ohio). His temper is often short and surly. He’s also charming, loyal, upbeat, fair-minded, flirtatious, fun (he loves baseball, the theatre, and nightclubs),patient, shallow, and full of integrity. He loves dames as much as they love him, is occasionally mildly sexist, but usually falls for women of intelligence, independence, and character. “I had first noticed her in the lobby of the Churchill, because she rated a glance as a matter of principle–the principle that a man owes it to his eyes to let them rest on attractive objects when there are any around.”–Frame-Up for Murder (1958/1985) Archie is, on balance, largely decent and fair-minded, if unpredictable. In other words: he’s deliciously human.


Archie Goodwin is the narrator of the Nero Wolfe series of novels and short stories penned by Rex Stout between 1934 and 1975. He has been portrayed by nearly two dozen actors across different forms of media (films, radio, and television). My favorite portrayal is that of Timothy Hutton from 2000-2002 on A&E, in the television movie The Golden Spiders: A Nero Wolfe Mystery and the weekly show A Nero Wolfe Mystery. I think he’s the closest we’ll ever get to a flesh-and-blood Archie Goodwin. And I’m totally okay with that.



This is my (first) contribution to the 2017 Reel Infatuation Blogathon, hosted by yours truly and Ruth of Silver Screenings.

Ty Power

Reel Infatuation Blogathon Starts Friday!

The 2017 Reel Infatuation Blogathon starts in three days! It’s not too late to sign up!

Silver Screenings

Pepe le Pew • Image: gameraboy, Tumblr

Whee! The Reel Infatuation Blogathon will be here in a few days!

This is a blogathon where we dish about our secret (or not-so-secret) film or book character crushes – past or present. Click HERE for the original announcement and list of participants.

If you, like us, are having trouble picking one fictional character, you can choose two or three!

If you haven’t yet signed up, there’s still time to join us. Just grab a banner and let us know your choice.

See you this weekend!


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Here Are the Next Two Reel Infatuation Blogathon Banners!

More banners for June’s Reel Infatuation Blogathon!

Reel Infatuation

As promised, here are banners three and four for the 2017 Reel Infatuation Blogathon! Keep your eyes out for the final two banners.

Reel Infatuation 2017-Ty Power

Reel Infatuation 2017-Elizabeth Taylor

Have you signed up for the blogathon yet? It’s not too late! Go here for more information.

See you in June.

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Hey, Book Fans! Do You Character Crush?

That’s a rhetorical question.

Of course you do.

Or, at least you have at some point in your life…

and will likely do so again.

You can’t help yourself. Neither can I. Neither can anyone.

Why not have fun with it, then?

***

As most of you know, I created Reel Infatuation and co-host the blogathon with Ruth of Silver Screenings.

Here’s a little refresher/introduction excerpt:

Reel Infatuation is a reader participation virtual cyclopedia of character crushes. It’s a symbiotic, interactive platform built on the old-fashioned notion of give-and-take. We want to hear all about your film, television, and literary loves! Are your stories sweet, silly, embarrassing, or seemingly inexplicable? Share ’em! First crushes, old crushes, new crushes? Bring ’em on. You show us yours, and we’ll show you ours!

And this:

Remember: the character is the thing. We want to hear about specific character crushes.

Sounds entertaining, eh? (It is. Trust us!)

Although it is pretty straightforward, I’ve noticed that one detail seems to get lost in the process. I’m not surprised. Between the name (Reel Infatuation) and the fact that most blogathons focus on film and television, it’s pretty easy to overlook the bookish element inherent in RI. In other words…

this one is for you, too, book lovers!

Literary characters are just as crush-worthy as their movie and television counterparts. Maybe more so. And we want to hear all about yours! This is one time that bringing a book to a party is expected, accepted, and celebrated.

I may or may not totally own this shirt (and wear it to places where I cannot read a book, but want to. I’m passive-aggressive, but compliant.)

If I Can’t Take My Book T-Shirt from Look Human


So…

the moral to this post is

that we

MOST DEFINITELY

WANT YOU TO

BRING YOUR BOOK CHARACTER CRUSHES

TO OUR SUPER-FUN PARTY!

It wouldn’t be the same without you.

Since A Small Press Life is nothing if not a book blog, this is where I’ll be talking about my slightly unhealthy love for Archie Goodwin. (My discussion of television’s Hamilton Burger and Carl Kolchak will take place at our sister-site, Font & Frock.)

We hope to see you in June!

CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP.

Announcing the 2017 Reel Infatuation Blogathon!

Hey, just so you know…The Reel Infatuation Blogathon is back. Please join us!

Reel Infatuation

Sometimes an experience is so much fun that you cannot wait to do it again. This impulse is one of the reasons why people keep revisiting amusement parks and beaches, museums and restaurants. The comfort of the familiar, when hitched to the promise of a fresh, unpredictable variation, is pretty thrilling to the average human.

We’re no different. Thus…

while a blogathon is marvelous, a yearly blogathon is one step  better on the scale from here to fabulous!

On that note, along with my co-hostess with the mostest, Ruth of Silver Screenings, I’m happy to announce the return of the Reel Infatuation Blogathon!

Help Lucy Spread the Word

It’s time to sharpen your pencils and start thinking about your favorite character crushes. They can come from film, television, or books. Remember: the character is the thing. We want to hear about specific character crushes, not generically dreamy performers. To learn more…

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