BLAST YOU, HOLLYWOOD, YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT!!!

KM Scott

Hi.

Movies.They’ve inundated my life.No other form of media – no, not even cave paintings – have affected me the way the moving picture has.The culmination of this lifelong infatuation has given me an insight to movies like no other human can comprehend.As such, it is much my pleasure as my duty to break through the veil of chaos that surrounds the film industry at large and present to you, my hungry reader, the sliced and de-rinded fruit of my joy.

Arright, so to kick this thing off, I’m going to blahg about a phenomenon that Hackywood seems to have been obsessed about lately – remakes.This is the process, as you well know, of making a film based on a previously made film.This is not new.And, despite the horrifying ring of the collective moans that issue forth from the gab-o-sphere and associated forums whenever a remake is announced, it is not necessarily a bad idea.Some of the most famous and well-made films in history have been remakes, not the least of them The Magnificent Seven (based on Akira Kurosawa’s The Seven Samurai), John Carpenter’s The Thing (a slant on Howard Hawks’ The Thing From Another World, with a healthy dose of the original novella Who Goes There by John W. Campbell, Jr., which inspired the Hawks version), and 12 Monkeys (inspired by La jetée, by Chris Marker).

Sometimes those which the filmmakers call homages (or, if one feels particularly honest, rip-offs) to previous material may as well be remakes.Take Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, for example, essentially a timeworn tale of the murderous Thugee cult of India, dressed up in the Lucaspielbergian visual fantasticana, fed a big hunk of rip-snorting action, and played to its dizzying climax with the music of John Williams.This doesn’t make the film any less a good movie (Willie Scott does that job, and all by herself), but simply acknowledges a great story when it hears one, even if it’s over a century old.

This has not been happening recently.

Obviously, the folks of the Magic-Plated City are in the business of filmmaking for the money.The stunning amount of remakes in the last decade alone are a testament to this; there is an obvious benefit to making a big commercial endeavor with built-in name recognition.It started in earnest with Batman years ago (not a remake, to be exact, but an adaptation of a world-renown character), and has never stopped.

The staggering goofiness of it all is the apparent speculation on the part of Hollywood execs that modern audiences are so blissfully stupid that we can’t see what they are blatantly up to.Starting with Gloria back in the 90’s, and more recently Friday the 13th, the Dream Machine has been reaching all the way, way back, as far as twenty years ago, to remake films that everyone has seen repeatedly, knows how they end, and were quite content with just the first one.One would think that since these original flicks were new enough at one time to inspire remakes that perhaps Hollywood would invest in new ideas, new writers, new talent that would produce a whole new title to exploit.

But, no.We get remakes.Retreads.Malibu Stacie with a New Hat.We’ve got remakes of movies nobody gave a damn about when the source material was new (Flash Gordon, 1980, to be remade by Stephen Sommers), multiple remakes of films that were …. okay, I guess (Freaky Friday, no less than THREE versions), and remakes of films that were hardly vintage to begin with – and I don’t mean remaking something from other countries or cultures, like Samurai, but more like the above mentioned Gloria (1980, 1999), or The Getaway (1972, 1994).

But there is a worser, far worser creature that skulks in the darkened hallways and deep sub-basements of our local movie theaters and pirated movie torrent sites.Yes, folx, ya’ll know what I’m talking about – the remake of the classic movie. I don’t mean simply old flicks that are aired on TCM all the time, no no –

I’m talking about the movies that taught movies how to be movies:Psycho.The Day The Earth Stood Still.The War of the Worlds.To call these movies misguided attempts to rake in cash via familiarity is giving far too much credit to the filmmakers:remaking these movies were entirely unnecessary, and an insult to the original pioneering filmmakers and audiences alike.Its as if some GIT (Guy In Tie) execu-honch walked up to the Mona Lisa and said, “Hey, how did Rembrandt or whoever expect to reach 18 to 49 year olds with a goofy-looking sorta half smile?I wanna see teeth, dammit, TEETH!”

To ‘update’ these venerable pieces with modern sensibilities is to wreck ‘em.They were films of their times, to be sure, but many of them had timeless messages that are relevant to even today’s reckless generation of hoodlums, miscreants, deviants, and, of course, baby boomers.The lesson from War?Technology does not make you superior.The lesson from Day?Stupid ideological arguments will be the death of us all if taken to far.The lesson from Psycho?If your choice is between an isolated little motel a ways from the highway in the desolate wilds of the Southwest, watched over by the empty eyes of a horrifying old house, and a Motel 6, go for the Motel 6.Said chain is not paying me a dime for advertising, but they’ll leave a light on for ya.

It has been said repeatedly, and I add my voice to the chorus, that if you’re going to remake movies, don’t remake the classics.Remake really, really good versions of bad films.Wanna see a good zombie flick?Make a movie about an invading species of aliens who infect the recently deceased in an attempt to overrun the human race.Lot’s a blood and innards for the gorehounds out there to watch.The original masterwork was called Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Hankerin’ for a gritty martial arts movie where two dedicated brothers punch, kick and chop their way through a relentless gang of equally talented thugs in order to rescue a damsel in distress?With Tony Jaa and some popular MMA dude who can speak dialogue without moving his lips when his co-stars talk?I don’t see anybody else making a Double Dragon movie.Why don’t you?

One does not set out to make crap.One either intends to make art, or sell merchandise.Excellent movies have been made because of both, as have turkeys.At least the guy who tried to make art can say he cared about his project and the intelligence of his audience.When you screw up trying to take advantage of people … well, you’ve seen Batman and Robin.

KMS

More to Love

I am thrilled, pleased and proud to announce that ASPL is adding another regular writer to its roster, KM Scott. He is a man of many talents and counts the following among his titles: artist, editor, writer, and publisher. Mr. Scott will bring an entirely different tone and perspective to this space, showing that there are as many takes on the small press life as there are artists to live them. Please check back shortly to read his first piece.

INSPIRATION BOARD-2 August 2009

  1. Gala Darling (ICING)-Gala Darling is a pink-haired darling from the Southern Hemisphere. ICING is her irreverent, infectious, savvy and stunning blog. She brings readers her own juicy brand of completely-off-the-wall inspiration: encouraging one and all to celebrate their own nonpareil loveliness. She definitely practices what she preaches. Click here to check out her site.
  2. Amado Sur Wine-This Brazilian Malbec is my current every-day favourite. After a few hours spend concocting and spinning words, a single glass of wine is a great reward and rejuvenatory.
  3. Re-Reading Old Books-This is one of my favourite pastimes (after reading new books, of course). I believe that this justifies my large personal collection. I eventually return to most books, even re-reading certain volumes yearly. It is with amazement that I never cease to dig up new bits of enlightenment, shards of wisdom and gems of inspiration with every new perusal.
  4. Networking-This does not come easily to me. I am not a joiner, never have been. While the distance of Internet socializing puts many people off, it is a boon for mildly anti-social people like me. In real life, you cannot hide a bad mood or irritability. On-line, I can further my career while even in the vilest state-of-mind.
  5. Vintage dresses on EBAY-While my greatest passion is language, I am also a very visual person. I worked in the world of art galleries for a decade: colour and texture is my aesthetic strength. I have always loved vintage apparel, with certain periods taking natural precedence over others. Until recently, I never particularly cared for the ’70’s or ’80’s (perhaps because I was born in one decade and came of age in the other). EBAY, of all places, has helped me get past that distaste to a place of appreciation. I am amazed by the play of colour with pattern, especially in some of the ’70’s designs. There is actually a surprising softness to palette and pattern that I am currently finding quite inspirational.
  6. I found this one courtesy of Gala Darling. Check out ‘Copy Blogger’ for some practical, truly helpful writing tips. Go there now!
  7. “Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.”-Cyril Connolly.

Creativity Challenge #2: Routines

I am, by nature, extremely organized. I love making lists. I love slashing my way through item after item of to-do’s and need-to-be-done’s. I have left every business I have ever worked for a more streamlined and efficient place. This superb track record starts falling apart in one very important area: my hollow, sorry excuse of a writing routine. I have, at my handy disposal, a lame set of reasons why it is so erratic. Let’s investigate these.

  1. I am not a morning person. I do realize that there is no pesky by-law of the writing code that says one must practice their craft in the a.m. Yet, so many writers choose the early hours of the day for their writing time. Day in and day out, they rise at disturbingly wee hours of the clock. I am not certain that I would have a fully functioning brain at, say, 5. Methinks that I would probably be a nasty, flaming bitch– especially pre-pot of tea. Wordsmiths who are up and stringing together brilliant phrases before dawn just seem so dedicated and professional. Meanwhile, back at the loft, all I am interested in doing is rolling over and catching more not-strictly-necessary sleep.
  2. I currently work 9 hour days, 10 if you throw in the commute. By the time I hobble through the door, drop my purse, fling my keys, walk the dog and put the kettle on, it is early evening. If I connect to the drug known as the Internet and DO NOT IMMEDIATELY BEGIN WRITING, then I easily lose another hour. At this point, it is 7 p.m. I most likely have ‘The Golden Girls’ on in the background. Those witty old ladies have been known to suck me in to their hyper-social sun-baked lives for endless episodes. Hello, 8. It is so nice to see you. I am sure that you get the idea. On a good work night, I can write 3 blog posts, edit my upcoming ‘zine, and write a paragraph or two of fiction. Then there are the other 4.
  3. If The Chef has the night off, then forget about it. I try to make my time off coincide with his schedule as 1)he insists that I not write 12 hours a day, 7 days a week and 2) it is too damn difficult to write with him in the flat. He talks back to the television. He strikes up conversations with me even when I am in the writing zone. He insists that I get up and move around, that I eat dinner….nothing of value gets done on these nights, creatively-speaking. This kills up to 2 nights a week.
  4. Ah, weekends! Bliss! Sleeping in! Laziness! Socializing! Practicality: laundry, sweeping, cleaning counter tops and sinks. I have way too much to cram into 2 days/nights. Sometimes, I am a writing dynamo on Saturday and Sunday. I accomplish insane amounts of work. I am proud of myself. Then, on Monday, it is back to the same grind.

What, then, is a writer to do if she is in an especially fertile period? Right now, I am doing more projects than ever. I have blogs, the ‘zine, a fictional serial and a rocking short story. I also have to network myself and market my product–all while managing this thing called a life. Everything that I am doing at this time is too good to be sacrificed or sold short. The only viable solution is to impose some kind of order on those things that can benefit most from it, including my writing schedule. I plan on trying a few different routines until I find the one that best fits my needs. First up? I am about to become one of those early risers.

I am not looking forward to this. I will never greet the morning with anything but a series of yawns and a sour look on my face. I do not believe that being genuinely perky or even nice is ever fully possible before 10 a.m. (2 hours into my regular work day). I hate being the first one out of bed: jealousy will abound against the sleeping one. Yet, I am game because–if it works–my writing will benefit immensely. I am also not talking about falling out of bed 2 hours early. No, I am starting with a quite doable 45 minutes which, taking into account making tea and rousing my mind, should leave approximately 30 minutes to write. I have attempted this sort of thing on 3 previous occasions, but for different reasons. None were a resounding success.

The first two times involved “The Artists Way” by Julia Cameron. If you have ever followed that program, you already know what it is I am talking about. Essentially, you get up early and write your thoughts, stream-of-conscious-style, for 3 pages. My first attempt at this, some dozen years ago, lasted a few weeks. The second go-round, circa 2004, lasted approximately 5 minutes. The third time involved the lovely Gala Darling of ‘ICING’ which is a delectable, Technicolor dream of a blog. She ran a challenge group for the entire month of February. It was up to you to decide what you wanted to change/improve in your own life. She simply provided a forum and support. I decided to better my sloth-like sleeping habits and rise early, which I did for about 3 days. It was easier than I thought it would be! I was actually awake by the time that I arrived at work! Then, woe is me, I took a temporary second job. At night. End of story.

I have faith in myself and my considerable self-discipline abilities that I can make this work. The real question is….what type of writing do I devote this precious daily half-hour to? Should I blog or write fiction? Should I write or edit articles for the ‘zine? I think that I am going to try a day or two of each, and see which fits.

The beauty and the bane of the writing life is that so much of it is for you to set, form and control. You have to determine your own parameters and crack your own whip. Ultimately, no one else really cares if you write or not. It is, then, a matter of self-respect: if you value your ability and voice, then you will give it the appropriate place in your life.

What is your routine? How closely do you follow it? Has your writing benefited from it?

Facing the Blank Page: Bravery of a Different Kind

There is one plaintive refrain common, with scant variation, to all writers, and it goes something like this: committing words to the blank page is painfully difficult, endless, and frustrating. No one is immune. It never gets easier. It never fades. It cannot, cannot be conquered–no matter how diligently or long you practice the craft. This is not that phantom known as “writer’s block”, which is usually ephemeral. This difficulty is just one of the many threads that are woven into the writing life, though it is particularly tensile. It is omnipresent , like breath: when you are most deeply involved in the life of your words, it fades into the background.

The blank page holds up terror and promise in equal portions. The mystery behind the process is opaque–no one ever really figures out its source, or unravels the magic of its drive. Words and ideas mix, we pick and choose which fit best, we invent our own rhythm. I am convinced that not knowing the root origin of our ability is where the terror comes from. Just because you have done something once, does not mean that you can expect to do it again. Yet, you always, always do. The gift is never sucked dry…though the very thought of that possibility can keep you up nights.

Facing a version of this every time that you sit down to write can, after awhile, be quite tiresome. Writing is a draining craft (fortunately it has an upside full of more intangible rewards than nearly anything else on earth). Sometimes, it is easier or more desirable to do anything other than put words to paper. Walk the dog? Drink a pot of coffee while doing a crossword puzzle (hey, you could learn a new word or fact that way)? Watch a marathon of Judge shows on television? Fold laundry? Daydream about how famous and esteemed you will be one day, after you have finished your next novel or short story collection?

This latter trap is ominous and gaping–to such a degree that, if you are not careful, can turn a temporary break from writing into a permanent one. Writers are, of course, an imaginary lot. We are dreamers. We are exceptionally gifted at crafting fictional worlds, alternate universes, and fantastical events. It can be all too easy to drift into these mind-places, these other states of being. Staying focused when there is no one standing over you demanding that things get done is immensely difficult, even if your level of self-discipline is higher than most. You are your own worst critic and come equipped with an instinct that only you possess. This is not enough: you must also be your own boss. You are the only one with the clout to lay down rules and goals, and make sure that they are followed.
A gift for imagination, words and plot is, of course, an essential part of any writer’s tool-kit. However, you must also arm yourself with the grit and wherewithal to stick to it through everything that is thrown across your path: boredom, laziness, confusion and doubt. This is often the only difference between a successful writer and a floundering one.

Literary Oddments: Shopping for the Bookworm

There are readers, there are book-lovers and, then, there are book fanatics, for whom words and writers become a wondrous, enveloping way of life. The literary thrill does not end when the front cover falls shut. It can be chased, captured, enjoyed in any of the thousands of products directed toward the bookworm. This space will serve to cast a light onto some of the lit-based goods available.

As a child, I loved to lend books to my friends. I took great pride in allowing them to “check out” any volume that I was willing to briefly part with. Like any good librarian, I made sure to record the due date on the little card I attached to the inside back cover of every book. It is with some wonder that I record my failure to become a librarian when I grew up, though it seemed a natural fit at the time. I am too chained to the writing life to be a librarian. I would rather assemble words than record their migrations.

I recently came across some Vintage Library Book Pockets on Etsy. I just had to smile. They are self-adhesive and come in a pack of 50. At $8.00, they are nearly irresistible. I am still in the habit of gingerly, and with much instruction, lending books to friends. Perhaps I should once again indulge in the orderly joy of assigning due dates. Over the top? Only to those not in the know.

Please check THIS out.

Shop: ButlerandMaid

Where:Etsy.com

What:50 Library Book Pockets

Price:$8.00

Bookworm Rating: 4 out of 5
Image courtesy of: ButlerandMaid

INSPIRATION BOARD-19 July 2009

Creativity not only begets creativity, it inspires it in others. Right now, I am finding inspiration from some pretty impressive sources.

  1. Colin Hay-I was a very lucky (belated) birthday girl last Wednesday, 15 July. The Chef surprised me with tickets to the Colin Hay show at the Southgate House across the river, in Newport, KY. I had no idea until we walked up to SH, where I had never been, and saw the sign announcing that evening’s act. The intimacy of the venue was a perfect fit for his sort of artistry: it let his impeccable songwriting skills and subtle voice shine. Days later that voice–and those words–still echo in my mind. It is a ‘Beautiful World’, indeed. Click here.
  2. “Write something to suit yourself and many people will like it; write something to suit everybody and scarcely anyone will care for it.”-Jesse Stuart
  3. It is probably small surprise that I am a passionate supporter of Etsy. It is my favourite on-line shopping destination. Right now, I am quite in love with Austin Modern. The shop features amazing Mid Century goods, as well as assorted awesome wares from the earlier Art Deco period. My two current favourite offerings? Art Deco letter press type face ( a full set) and a luscious chrome club chair from the same era. Click here to go there.
  4. I am slightly stunned by the above image, and not just because I bear a strong resemblance to the woman at the center. The 1920’s is a vast source of inspiration for me: from art to literature, film to fashion, politics to pop-culture I find it full of energy, complexity, and beauty. There is a freshness and vigor to the tableaux in the advertisement, as well as a sense of unreality, however understated (which is, perhaps, typical of most advertising). Playing a gramophone sea-side seems much more sophisticated than bopping along to an Ipod. Ah, well: life was not meant to be static.
  5. It always comes back to Neruda, Pablo Neruda. “May whatever breaks/be reconstructed by the sea/with the long labor of its tides./So many useless things/which nobody broke/but which got broken anyway.” (from ODE TO BROKEN THINGS)

USEFUL READS: The Glimmer Train Guide to Writing Fiction Inspiration and Discipline

For writers, there is no such thing as shop-talk. What we do cannot be separated from who we are, cannot be compartmentalized into its own box. It is as expansive and necessary as breathing or blinking. Therefore, we can be very wordy when the subject at hand turns to our words. Whether we are discussing the technical (the fundamental underpinnings of an article or story) the personal (plot, characterization, voice) or the idiosyncratic (writing patterns, philosophy), we can go on and on, until our passion invokes boredom or annoyance in any non-writer listeners. This is not something that can be easily turned off, or satisfied with a quick “this is how my day went” briefing. Yet, speaking to someone who is not engaged in the writing life can often result in feelings of impotence, frustration, and misunderstanding. Explaining why you write is either the easiest or toughest thing in the world, depending on who is at the other side of the conversation.
My significant other–The Chef–is smart, astute, and possesses a large vocabulary. He recognizes my talent but does not begin to know the need I have to write, what it is that compels me to maintain such loyalty and dedication to something that is so hard-to-focus or pin-down. There is nothing immediate to show for writing except words on a page: concrete gratification is often long-delayed and far-short of what, seemingly, such hard work deserves. This is why the writing life is one of such abiding, enveloping loneliness; for who, but another writer, can begin to approach any coherent, compassionate understanding of what it is we do?
The Glimmer Train Guide to Writing Fiction Inspiration and Discipline Edited by Susan Burmeister-Brown and Linda B. Swanson-Davies is a squat little window into the strange, amorous and often isolated world of the writer. To be a writer is always to be the oddest person in a room. You could be surrounded by a bearded lady, a fire-eater, a con artist and a hobo, and chances are that you will be the one to come off as a childish slacker. It goes, however unfairly, with the territory. You eventually become accustomed to being viewed as a dreamer with unrealistic expectations by your nearest and dearest: trying to explicate the inner drive to write is simply too difficult.
Reading The Glimmer Train–made up of interviews from Glimmer Train Stories–is like having fabulous, enlightening, and intimate chats with your peers. Although I leaned a few pointers, the book is, for me, not so much a how-to of the writing game but a how-to-survive-the-writing-life guide. It cuts a deep swathe through the layers of isolation and misunderstanding inherent in such a lifestyle. It is sated with words of wisdom, humour, hope and shared perspective.
The interviews are served up, bite-sized, covering all manner of subjects: technique, inspiration, family, art, lifestyle, support, to name a few. What becomes apparent after a few pages is how much in common they–and we–have, in spite of differences in gift, genre,voice, and approach. Almost everyone, it seems, writes because they have no choice, because they cannot imagine not writing, because they are compelled to from some deep and unknowable source. They would write even if no one ever read their words.
The instructional part, for me, was in seeing how different writers approach the immensely painful, lonely, yet joyous task at hand; to see how they discipline themselves to do what is just damn hard work, day in and day out. Aside from that, nearly every page contains multiple gems, presents alternate but easy-to-relate to ways of thinking.
Perhaps the most impactful bit of advice, for me personally, comes from Richard Bausch, of whom I had never before heard. Instead of thinking of writing as an uprooting –of digging things up from deep within–he envisions it as a winding path, endless, where anything can present itself to you. I find that to be beautiful, insightful, doable.
This is a must-have for any writer ever in need of inspiration, understanding, or a pep-talk. It is always within reach of wherever I happen to be writing; it is also often to be found on my bedside table. I know that you, too, will find it well-worth the small investment involved.
I plan on showing the book to The Chef, with the hope that it will help to explain where I am coming from, as reader-writer. I believe that seeing such strong, plain, passionate words out of the mouths of others who share my obsessive sentiments will serve the purpose far better than I could. If, however, that does not work, The Glimmer train will at least provide me with a happy haven.

INSPIRATION BOARD-14 July 2009

After a long-weekend off–my very own home-town-bound mini-holiday–I am struggling to get back into the swing of things. I have not hit the ground running. I have been standing idle, craning my neck, trying to find something,anything, to crank my motivation up a notch or three. My mind is teeming with a thousand big, a million little, ideas. Settling down long enough to commit more than an errant, squirming phrase or two to paper is proving immensely difficult. Spending uninterrupted, calming quality time with family has reminded me to look to the small things for succor and inspiration. I am going to try and apply that lesson to my creativity. Here are a few things that are currently making me think, smile, and give thanks.

  1. A cuppa and a few McVitie’s chocolate digestives make me feel not just like a writer, but an English one. I do not indulge in the latter very often but very few things beat their peculiar and scrumptious wheat-meets-sweet taste.
  2. The ridiculously vibrant and exotic produce section at Jungle Jim’s, a gourmet, international grocery emporium in Cincinnati. They stock an eye-opening variety of vegetables and fruits. I love the artistry of the display; it is a visual reminder that nature’s bounty is varied and endless.
  3. “We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to.”-words of infinite wisdom from one of my favourite authors, W. Somerset Maugham.
  4. Anticipating the August (Age) issue of ‘Vogue’. All fashion magazines manage to simultaneously elate me and flat-out piss me off. This is cyclical; this is perpetual. My love of fashion-as-history runs deep. I also love pretty, pretty pictures (something that modern Vogue does not always deliver). I still adore the issue’s cover girl, Christy Turlington, who remains as stylish, elegant and principled as ever. Plus, the ‘Age’ issue of the magazine always exists on the sharpest razor’s edge, waffling between dishing out genuine inspiration and gutless irritation.
  5. Discovering, after all of these years, that I have more in common with my Dad than just a high IQ and love of reading.
  6. Writing that is utterly unlike my own. Whilst in the midst of much creative writing, I can only read non-fiction or fiction that has a voice and view-point far removed from mine. I am beyond excited that my friend Chrissy has finally started her own blog, A Steampunk Reverie.. Please check it out, you won’t regret it: Click here to begin.
  7. Baseball’s All-Star Game. It is held the second Tuesday of July (tonight!), which is always around my birthday. In my mind, the two simply go together. I can scarcely recall a time that I was not a baseball fan. I owe this particular passion to my Grandfather. The game, held this year in St. Louis, is, for me , a hallmark of Summer, relaxed times, and family.