And now, in the interest of public service, we present:

• Short, wheezy Harry Potter-lookin’ geek with glasses and inhaler actually did know magic

• Sweet-natured, fun-loving personality aside, Barney is still a Tyrannosaur, after all…

• Mistakenly thought safe word was ‘faster’

• Inoperable rectal cancer resulting from prolonged radiation exposure due to constant photocopying of buttocks

• Meddling kids and dumb dog accidentally ripped off actual face

• Died a little inside.  Considerably more so outside

• Faked death a little too well

• Crushed under gigantic pile of naked cheerleaders

• Run right over by usually gentle “Lightning” McQueen

• Ultimately, ironically, literally proved you had no brains