And now, in the interest of public service, we present:

• Accidentally shot out of cannon
• Overdosed on pillows
• Backed over self with car
• Heavily armed, highly unstable mime
• Questioned religious doctrine of Kirk Cameron to his face
• A little hard work did, in fact, kill you
• Carnivorous gerbil
• Visited exploding cousin
• Caught between Inky and Clyde
• Set on fire by very confused protesting monk
• Proud winner of kerosene-drinking contest